(no subject)
Jul. 4th, 2007 01:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tragic_maskIt has been a long time since she's acknowledged the fact that she is dead.
She's immortal, but her heart has never raced, or throbbed, or ached. She's never had one.
She pretends she's whole without it.
That fools no one, least of all herself. Often, lately, she stops pretending, and remembers (too well, Mother, you drag me in)-- it is a dull pain, a long-lasting twinge in an organ she's never had, that never screams but murmurs softly in her ear, the Chinese torture of myths. Can't rip it out; it's already gone.
Lately, sitting at the window is torture, too. Knowing that she cannot throw herself down through the glass fall with the wind in her brittle hair let it all go jarringly into darkness peacepeacepeace the world goes ticking on--
The problem is, no god can be an atheist. She has no choice but to believe.
She's immortal, but her heart has never raced, or throbbed, or ached. She's never had one.
She pretends she's whole without it.
That fools no one, least of all herself. Often, lately, she stops pretending, and remembers (too well, Mother, you drag me in)-- it is a dull pain, a long-lasting twinge in an organ she's never had, that never screams but murmurs softly in her ear, the Chinese torture of myths. Can't rip it out; it's already gone.
Lately, sitting at the window is torture, too. Knowing that she cannot throw herself down through the glass fall with the wind in her brittle hair let it all go jarringly into darkness peacepeacepeace the world goes ticking on--
The problem is, no god can be an atheist. She has no choice but to believe.
